As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to see your child struggling with bullying, especially when it’s not always obvious. While physical bullying and name-calling are easier to spot, indirect bullying can be much harder to detect and just as damaging.
In this blog, we’ll explain what indirect bullying looks like, how you can support your child if they’re experiencing it, and why your support makes a big difference.
What is indirect bullying?
Indirect bullying is mostly behind a person's back or hard to prove.
It's a form of bullying that’s subtle and often hidden. It’s designed to hurt someone without confronting them directly and can make you feel like you're 'getting worked up over nothing'.
It can include:
- Excluding someone from a group or activity
- Spreading rumours or gossip
- Giving the silent treatment
- Manipulating friendships (e.g. telling others not to be friends with someone)
- Mocking or mimicking someone behind their back
This kind of bullying can happen in person or online. It’s often used to isolate a person and damage their reputation or sense of belonging - without ever saying a cruel word to their face.
Signs your child might be experiencing indirect bullying
Because it’s harder to see, your child might not realise what’s happening, or they may feel too embarrassed to talk about it. Keep an eye out for:
- Changes in mood or behaviour
- Avoiding school or social situations
- Sudden friendship shifts
- Low self-esteem or increased self-doubt
- Spending more time alone, especially after using their phone or being online
- Having a physical reaction to their device, like getting a fright when they check a notification, or dropping their phone
How to help your child cope
If you think your child might be experiencing indirect bullying, here are some ways to support them.
- Create a safe space to talk
Let your child know you’re there for them, without judgement. Use open-ended questions like:
- “How have things been going with your friends lately?”
- “Is anything or anyone making you feel uncomfortable at school?”
Why it works:
Feeling heard and supported helps your child feel less alone. It also builds trust, making it easier for them to open up in future.
- Validate their feelings
It’s important not to downplay what they’re going through. Avoid saying things like “Just ignore it” or “It’s just drama.”
Try saying:
- “That sounds really hard.”
- “You don’t deserve to be treated that way.”
Why it works:
Validation reassures your child that their feelings are real and that you take them seriously.
- Help them build coping strategies
Work together to think of ways they can respond to bullying without putting themselves in harm’s way. This might include:
- Keeping distance from people who are unkind
- Spending time with friends who are supportive
- Keeping a record of the behaviour - write down what the bully is doing, how often and keep it factual. This shows a pattern of behaviour (bullying).
- Talking to a trusted adult at school
Why it works:
Practical strategies give your child some sense of control and help reduce feelings of helplessness.
Read more coping strategies on The Kids Helpline's Facebook.
- Encourage positive connections
Support your child to get involved in clubs, hobbies, or activities where they can meet new people and build confidence.
Why it works:
Being part of a positive group can rebuild self-esteem and create strong, healthy friendships.
- Work with the school
If the bullying is ongoing or affecting your child’s wellbeing, reach out to their teacher, wellbeing coordinator, or school counsellor. Most schools have policies in place for dealing with bullying.
Find out your schools anti-bullying policy as well as a list of questions you can take with you to the school to understand their next steps here: Dolly's Dream : Anti Bullying Toolkit
Why it works:
Adults working together, at home and at school, can make sure your child is supported on all fronts.
Indirect bullying can be just as harmful as any other kind of bullying, especially because it’s so isolating. But with your support, your child can learn to navigate it, build resilience, and come out stronger.
If you're worried and not sure what to do next, you don't have to go through it alone.
Need support?
Call the Dolly’s Dream Support Line on 0488 881 033 to speak with a qualified counsellor.
We're here for you.
